WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
