Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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