My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
