Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
