Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
