How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
