Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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