my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
