The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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