Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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