i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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