I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
