some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
