You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
