my phone needs a breathalizer
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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