Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
