You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
