he wants to bone in the snuggie
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
