I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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