Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
