...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
