im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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