Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
