I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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