so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
