I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
