I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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