It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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