so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
