Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
