2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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