i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
