getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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