The maid of honor just puked.
I'm jealous of your bromance
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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