it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
