Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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