so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
