Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
party gras won. party gras always wins.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
