Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
