It's like God shit irony all over that family
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
