Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
