Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
as a side note pls kill me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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