just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
