Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
