Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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