omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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