Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
