U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
