theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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