she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
